A Poem Written for a Still Life
For a moment I allowed life to be still
The silence spoke to me
And this is what it said:
My thoughts on coffee are transparent
Unlike the way I take it
Soy milk and Splenda
Like clouds in my mug
Erase the clouds in my head
To see the world through rose colored lenses
It takes ignorant eyes
It’s just rose colored reflections
Of a kaleidoscope life
All sickly shades of neon
Chemical colors let life be gone
Take off your glasses
Let the light adjust your eyes
Stare back through your rose colored lenses
From the other side
Two hands and one piece of me
Tangled in knots upon the floor
Pull me strand by strand
Unravel me one by one
My irrational fears
(fear of being alone)
My misguided desires
(desires that brought me to you)
My unseen hatred
(hatred of things I can’t change)
My delusional love
(love for what doesn’t exist)
And when they’re all unraveled
Lay me down in one, continuous piece
Thin, exposed, vulnerable
What I Think Love Is
I want someone to take my hand and lead me into deep, unreturning conversation
There, we’ll get lost in words and fall in love with ideas
We’ll share dreams and create our own together
Then we’ll look into each other’s eyes and not have to say a word
Because we’ll both know
The unquestioning compassion of understanding
(what I think love is)
It’s like a dream-- All the things I imagined you thinking. Now perfectly articulated
You said the sky will fall
As we lied there in stillness
But the sky fell through me
And left you disillusioned of another day
And that’s when my time started
And yours stood still
Where it will remain forever
The life I couldn’t find
I live it now everyday
But pieces of me still catch on the past
A chord pulls through the back of my heart
And connects to you
So when I still dream of you
On landmark days like this
I have to ask
Do you dream of me too
Dream of the way you consumed
Every fiber of my being
Tangled me up in drunken nights
Only to pull myself apart the next morning
Scars still decorate my soul
Like layers of paint
Making more of a physical masterpiece
Less distinguishable with each stroke
But it’s art you can’t appreciate
And because of that
I doubt anyone ever will
Did you know that?
That I think your words are selfish
Passive forms of communication
Why don’t you fucking say it to my face
I knew you thought
I knew you understood
I saw it in your eyes
I hope that scared you
That a regular girl in a regular town
She’ll never be what you need
But maybe she’s what you deserve
And me, I can’t love you (myself) anymore
Because you’re not real
And your words only illusion me further
To believe my own thoughts
Stream of Consciousness
Making peace with how the world continues/ends/exists/…
Loving your isolation-- maybe what you were dealt in life is what you’ve chosen all along
We are each our own living, breathing entities. We need water and food. We deserve love and affection. Our climates vary: some rain everyday, some never stop burning, others change by the hour. But without clean air, clean bodies, clear minds, we can’t function. Without self-awareness, self-love, we can’t survive. So love your own, tiny planet and the one we all share.