Poems on Stillness

April 13, 2018

A Poem Written for a Still Life

 

For a moment I allowed life to be still

The silence spoke to me

And this is what it said:

 

My thoughts on coffee are transparent

Unlike the way I take it

Soy milk and Splenda

Like clouds in my mug

Erase the clouds in my head

 

To see the world through rose colored lenses

It takes ignorant eyes

It’s just rose colored reflections

Of a kaleidoscope life

All sickly shades of neon

Chemical colors let life be gone

Take off your glasses

Let the light adjust your eyes

Stare back through your rose colored lenses

From the other side

 

Two hands and one piece of me

Tangled in knots upon the floor

Pull me strand by strand

Unravel me one by one

My irrational fears

(fear of being alone)

My misguided desires

(desires that brought me to you)

My unseen hatred

(hatred of things I can’t change)

My delusional love

(love for what doesn’t exist)

And when they’re all unraveled

Lay me down in one, continuous piece

Thin, exposed, vulnerable

 

What I Think Love Is

 

I want someone to take my hand and lead me into deep, unreturning conversation

There, we’ll get lost in words and fall in love with ideas

We’ll share dreams and create our own together

Then we’ll look into each other’s eyes and not have to say a word

Because we’ll both know

The unquestioning compassion of understanding

(what I think love is)

 

It’s like a dream-- All the things I imagined you thinking. Now perfectly articulated

 

You said the sky will fall 

As we lied there in stillness

But the sky fell through me 

And left you disillusioned of another day

And that’s when my time started

And yours stood still

Where it will remain forever

The life I couldn’t find

I live it now everyday

But pieces of me still catch on the past

A chord pulls through the back of my heart

And connects to you

So when I still dream of you

On landmark days like this

I have to ask

Do you dream of me too

Dream of the way you consumed

Every fiber of my being

Tangled me up in drunken nights

Only to pull myself apart the next morning

Scars still decorate my soul

Like layers of paint

Making more of a physical masterpiece

Less distinguishable with each stroke

But it’s art you can’t appreciate

And because of that

I doubt anyone ever will

Did you know that?

That I think your words are selfish

Passive forms of communication

Why don’t you fucking say it to my face

I knew you thought

I knew you understood

I saw it in your eyes

I hope that scared you

That a regular girl in a regular town

She’ll never be what you need

But maybe she’s what you deserve

And me, I can’t love you (myself) anymore

Because you’re not real

And your words only illusion me further

To believe my own thoughts

 

 

Stream of Consciousness

 

Making peace with how the world continues/ends/exists/…

 

Loving your isolation-- maybe what you were dealt in life is what you’ve chosen all along

 

We are each our own living, breathing entities. We need water and food. We deserve love and affection. Our climates vary: some rain everyday, some never stop burning, others change by the hour. But without clean air, clean bodies, clear minds, we can’t function. Without self-awareness, self-love, we can’t survive. So love your own, tiny planet and the one we all share.

 

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload