My Poetic Soul 2017

December 31, 2017

 

 

My final thoughts on 2017, raw and unadulterated. Each word more real, each feeling more felt.

 

 

“A year ago” hasn’t felt like only one year in so many years

 

 

I used to feel them behind my kneecaps

But now they’re in my chest

Pressing on my rib cage

Once caused by changing weather

Now triggered by everything changing

Growing pains

 

Growing up is... 

Clinging to your sheets at night and inhaling like a cigarette that gets you high on childhood

 

But I'm not clean

-that doesn't mean you won't be forever

 

 

She (Her Bed)

 

Clean sheets against lavender walls

Paved a road for her back all the same

Frames that stabilized a bag of broken bones

I look to now for support

Blankets and pillows still damp from absorbing

Years of tears

Oh the stories they could tell

But oh the saturation they must feel by now

How tired is she (her bed)

From taking an innocently broken heart

And swadling the fractures

To mend them back together

 

Night after night

Drunken night

Endless day

Writhing with fear

Midnight coffee stains

Stray socks

And cookie crumbs

 

Her sheets

Threads like a mother’s fingers

Combed through her shower-soaked locks

The scent of coconut shampoo and desolation

She hugged the duvet like she wasn’t alone

The pillow lulled in her ear

While she (her bed) rocked her to sleep

 

 

Nostalgia

The bitter taste of sadness that follows a sweet memory

 

 

Love (Myself) 

 

The way I looked at you (at love)

Like I could save you (myself)

You didn't want me (my help)

You couldn't love me (yourself)

 

Now I see what I saw in you (in love)

You won't accept me (the truth)

That I saw something in you (myself)

 

While you remain lost in life (in love)

I learned how to live (to love)

Myself

 

 

Last Night's (Year's) Dream

(a song written on January 1, 2017)

 

The glow of a grey sky

It’s the only light

Christmas lights used to shine

Now they’re dimmed like mine

 

Sad songs are drowning

And the rain hits my ceiling

All the music I love

Reminds me of us

 

And the tears, the songs, and you

They fall like a landslide

Images of you

I tried burning in my mind

 

So I’m saying goodbye

To four years of my life

Like December rain

I don’t belong to this place

But I can’t force things

That were never meant to be

New Years turns like a clock but this one stops

On last night’s dreams

 

The way I looked at you

My eyes spelled out the truth

But you gave me every sign

I didn’t read, I immortalized

 

Who you really were

And what I fantasized

Now reality can strike me

One last time

 

So I’m saying goodbye

To four years of my life

Like December rain

I don’t belong to this place

But I can’t force things

That were never meant to be

New Years turns like a clock but this one stops

On last year's dreams

 

 

A last note

 

Reflection is bittersweet to me. Poetry, philosophy, unearthing any "truths"-- I live and die for it. 

I love and hate to be alone

When I am alone

I can't help but reflect

When I reflect

I unearth the truth

When I unearth the truth

I must question what I know 

When I question what I know

I question what is real 

When I.... 

 

It ends with me deciding that nothing is real, and the universe might as well be a black hole (I think it technically might be). 

 

With this in mind, reflecting on 2017 was its own beast. But if one collection of words could describe my year most accurately, it is what follows. Here are my parting words with 2017. 

 

 

As I waited for someone to water my garden

I learned to grow on my own

 

 

 

 

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