The State of Eighteen

I would assume that most of the people reading this are around my own age of eighteen. But if younger or older, I feel strongly that anyone can relate to the confusion and incongruencies that come with being a recently-graduated eighteen-year-old. At this moment, I feel like I have one foot through the door of adulthood, while the other lags behind in my childhood. I am legally an adult who is capable of making her own decisions, yet I still live in my parents’ house and abide by a curfew. It’s like the purgatory between high school and college. I assume the future that awaits me is great, but the time spent waiting is agonizing. It is confusing. It is scary. But also, it is exciting. These past eighteen years of childhood define who I am, as I head into my new life in college. Just in the past year, I’ve learned more about myself than in the previous seventeen years combined. My senior year was packed with layers upon layers of life lessons and self discoveries; it was nonstop. However, now that summer is here, I am left to lay back and reflect upon the year itself and the person I’ve grown into. This may all sound very philosophical, but that’s just who I am. Idle time breeds philosophy, and philosophy is sparked by questions. Bringing me to my next point, I have begun to question pretty much everything I know: my dreams, my relationships, and most of all, myself. I literally feel like I’m going nuts! If someone asked me three months ago if I knew myself well, I would say most definitely. But with so much change looming on the horizon, I question how I will go about changing with it.

This can all be categorized into a fear of the unknown. I like to imagine life as a mountain I’m climbing, the “Mountain of Life” (cheesy, I know). Currently resting at the summit of eighteen years, I look down at the trek I just climbed. It was steep, rocky, and terrifying at times. And not only did I survive it, I thrived. Like any great accomplishment, I am left feeling exhausted but proud of what I’ve done. I can’t imagine traveling through anything more difficult than what I just endured. But then I look up. The future appears even steeper, rockier, and more treacherous than my previous path. Anxiety strikes up, and I’m trembling with fear of the unknown. Like I said before, amidst the fear also lies excitement. I constantly have to remind myself that all the time past up until now was spent to prepare me for this next step, for my life as an adult. That goes not only for me at eighteen, but for anyone else facing change in their life. You have to face your mountain head on and trust that your life up until now has prepared you to take on the most treacherous of paths.

Of course, I am no Socrates. Those of you who know me well can attest to the fact that I am the most anxious of humans. However, this method of looking at life makes the most sense to me. It’s comforting to visualize my journey and rationalize the obstacles I face in it. I hope you all enjoyed reading this and that it comforted anyone who is facing a drastic change like mine.

Let me know if you liked this type of post and if you want to see more like this. Also, leave suggestions for me on Instagram, Facebook, or send me an email. I’ll be adding more art to my online portfolio soon, and I can’t wait to share it. Thank you all for reading. Have an amazing day!